Empty nest syndrome can be tough for parents. Here’s how to navigate this emotional transition and find new purpose in life.
Brooklyn: When Tapashi Rabeya’s son, Sam, left for college, it was a big change for her. She was excited for him but also felt a bit lost. “I’m going to live vicariously through him,” she joked, but deep down, she was anxious about being alone for the first time.
As the days got closer, she felt a “big, empty hole” in her chest. After all, he was her only child, and she had poured everything into raising him. It’s a tough spot for many parents, as clinical psychologist Monica Vermani points out. It’s like an emotional rollercoaster when kids head off to start their own lives.
Vermani explains that empty nest syndrome is real. Parents often feel a sense of loss when their kids no longer need them as much. It’s a big shift, and it can leave parents wondering who they are without that role.
Rabeya isn’t alone in this. Many parents worry about their kids facing challenges on their own. With technology, it’s easier to stay connected, but the pandemic has added extra worries about safety and mental health.
It’s important for parents to support their kids without trying to control everything. Trusting that they’ve given their children the right tools to succeed is key. Vermani reminds parents that it’s about letting go a little and allowing their kids to grow.
Vered DeLeeuw, another empty nester, recalls a parenting book that said, “your job as a parent is to work yourself out of the picture — slowly.” She found this idea powerful, but when her daughter moved out, she felt a wave of sadness. It was tough seeing her daughter’s empty room.
But over time, DeLeeuw adjusted. She realized people are more resilient than they think. When her younger daughter left for college, the transition was much smoother than she expected.
Vermani encourages parents to see this change as a chance to rediscover themselves. It’s a great time to travel, volunteer, or pick up old hobbies. For Rabeya, it meant making new friends and even opening a boutique in Brooklyn.
While empty nest life can be exciting, it can also be overwhelming. Vermani advises parents to be kind to themselves during this transition. Feeling sad or anxious is completely normal.
Support groups can help, but if feelings become too heavy, talking to a mental health professional is a good idea. It’s all about finding the right balance.
Planning family outings before kids leave can help create lasting memories. Once they’re off, regular check-ins can keep the connection strong without being too clingy. It’s all about respecting their independence while being there when they need support.
Vermani emphasizes the importance of letting kids establish their new lives on their terms. Parents should take a step back and let their children show how much support they need.
Ultimately, it’s about celebrating this new phase of life. Parents should take pride in watching their kids grow and thrive, remembering how important this time was for them too.
This article was originally published on July 5, 2022, and has been updated.